Brandy Christmas Cake

As the time draws near to fare thee well for the season of feasting, merriment and TV Christmas specials, we thought we’d share this idea for a Christmas cake recipe from across the pond (please excuse the obscure measurements).

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Brandy

Take a quick swig of brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again to be sure it is at the correct temperature.


Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cap full to ensure consistency.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl, one piece at a time, trying to count it.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the brandy to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or shomething. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy. Wipe the counter with the cat.

Merry Christmas!

Pic c/o The Caked Crusader


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